so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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