I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
