This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
