1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
