I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
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