Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You are the jesus of drinking
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
