It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
