One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
