So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
