Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
