i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We're too hungover to prance.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
