Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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