dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
