Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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