there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
