Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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