ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
