i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
