dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
