im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
