I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
