He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
