I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
