Your tits are I can't wait for
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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