The best revenge is premature balding
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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