he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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