Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
