i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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