Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
