You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
