first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
im holly from the hills drunk
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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