he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
