I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
