Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
