Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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