I cockslap morals
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
