hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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