I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
