Already got asked if we're dating
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
