I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
