I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
