I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
