So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
