May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
