its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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