Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Quick, to the slutcave!
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
