Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
