i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I wish I only lived at night.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
