Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
