Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
