I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
