Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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