Will you blow on my dice?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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