its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
