Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I think your dad took our porno
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
