If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
