Who wears a wallet chain?!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize