Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I need to align my fucking chakras
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
