She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize