she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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