Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
