when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
