And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
