I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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