How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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