cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
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