I heard we made out
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize