you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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