I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
