WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize