I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
